That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
