You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
