you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
