apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
