so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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