So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
