Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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