I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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