Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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