i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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