just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
