Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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