I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
