Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
