my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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