just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
