Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
