Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Randomize
