first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
