please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
