Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
