I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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