We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
