hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
We had to coat check the pizza.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
