omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
