dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Randomize
