well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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