The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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