i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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