So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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