So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Everything about him screamed your future.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
