If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
There's always time for handjobs
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
