No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
