He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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