you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
