Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
