I just threw up on my dentist
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
