She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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