why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
only if we run a train.
done.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
