So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
