Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
