can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize
