god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Randomize
