Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
