I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
