found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
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