id be glad to
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
