dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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