What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
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