Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
