we have pet lesbian snakes
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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