I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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