My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
